Trusting's hard... but God.Is.Good!

I feel like I'm in a stressful time of not knowing what's to come. My maternity leave is almost up, and I'm without a job. It's terrifying! Not knowing where the finances will come from, or how all the bills that come with owning a home will be paid, or where the food is going to come from to feed my family. It's terrifying!

BUT...

I'm learning, once again, to trust God. To trust that He has a plan for me and my family, one that I cannot see from where I'm standing right now. He's provided for us in SO many ways over the last couple years, and I know that He will yet again.

Oh, but trusting is hard!!

I've been applying to a crazy amount of jobs, ones I desire to pursue and ones I dread working at, but will suffice until I find my dream job. Nothing is holding me back! NOTHING!! I will continue to do my part, and I know He will provide. 

I feel like there's 2 parts of me in my head right now:

          A: He will provide! Trust!

          B: But trusting's hard....

          A: He will provide! TRUST!!

          B: But trusting is SO hard!

          A: HE. WILL. PROVIDE. T.R.U.S.T. TRUST!!!!!

Despite the fact that I've had a relationship with God for many years, I still struggle with trusting Him. Is that horrible of me? I don't think so. I think it shows that I'm human and there is a reason and a true need for me to have a relationship with God. However, do I still get down on myself for not trusting despite all the times God has come through for me? Yeah.... but I'm continuing to learn to ask for forgiveness for my lack of trust. 

Oh how I love the peace that washes over me the moment I apologize for not trusting. God is good.

God.

Is.

Good!

Despite my circumstances, and how nothing outside of myself has changed, (I didn't just get a phone call saying I'm now the newest employee of ____, although that would be nice!) when I talk to God (like a friend I might add) everything inside me changes. 

I started writing feeling down on myself and with so much worry, but I'm ending it feeling a peace within my soul that can only come from God.

Thank you, Lord!

Thankful, yet again!

Life has been quite busy the past couple of months, and I still cannot believe it!! I went through a time when I had nothing to do after work, but lately it's been crazy! But a good crazy!

I know that I say this over and over and over again in quite a few of my posts, but everyday I am SO thankful for what is happening in my life! I cannot believe what God is doing! I remember talking to a friend awhile ago, and saying that this year was going to have purpose, and that I was not going to be the same by 2012. I can confidently say that I am not the same as I was at the beginning of this year! And I know I will not be the same on December 31st as I am now!

Are there some things I wish I had done differently? Reacted differently? Done more of or less of? Of course... I'm only human after all, but because of God's unfailing and never ending grace, I can say that I am looking at the future, and not focusing on past mistakes!

A friend of mine just got an apartment in Hamilton, and she has had absolutely no furniture for the past couple weeks, but tonight we went to Ikea! Oh how I LOVE Ikea! I couple spend all day in there, no problem!!

We put together her kitchen table, and it just makes the whole place look so much more home-y and livable! And I got so happy and excited for her, just seeing it come together!

I've been dealing with feelings of inadequacy and feeling like I'm a) going nowhere in life, and b) a bit of a failure, as I have gone to university, and graduated with a BA in Psychology, but I'm still working at a bakery, which I have been working at for 3 years now... I just feel like I spent all that money and time, and I haven't really make any effort to find anything else.

But I've just been listening to that song "While I'm Waiting", which I talked a bit about in my previous post. The song is just about waiting on God when times are rough, or when you feel like He's left you alone, or no matter what you're going through, that you will wait patiently, and worship, serve and praise His name, as if things were going just peachy! And I feel convicted tonight, to just turn to Him, and just trust Him with my life! Yes, I do really need to take the necessary steps to find something else, but if nothing comes out of those things, I need to trust that I didn't get the job because God has something better out there for me!

So... here I am... waiting patiently on the Lord.

New New NEW!!!

Dora (my car - 95 Civic) has been slowly dying... it was coming to a point where I was putting more and more money intoit, so it was time to get a new car. I went looking all over, and then I went to a used-car dealership that I have been told by many people is awesome! So, I checked out Haldimand Motors, and I found my new car!! She is a silver 2007 Honda Civic. I did some research on whatkind of car I should go with and stuff, and when it comes down to it, Hondas have the best ratings, so I stuck with Honda, and I really like Civics. The funny thing is, Izzy (my new car) is just a newer version of Dora!!! I apparently like my Honda Civic DX's :P

I had Dora for 6 or 7 years (I can't really remember anymore :S), so she was AWESOME while I had her!!

Also new in my life, well GOING to be new, is my Ipod touch! It's on it's way!!! Izzy has an auxiliary (sp?) outlet, and I like the idea of not having to have billions of CDs in the car, but my current Ipod is only a 8GB, and only holds a portion of my music library! So I ordered a 32GB 3rd generation Ipod touch. I'm really looking forward to it :) I was debating just getting the Ipod classic, but as I was talking to people and then thinking about it, there are so many cool apps on the touch; one of which I'm really looking forward to is the Bible in ALL translations! I love thatidea! It's great in church and stuff! So, I should be getting it on Monday or Tuesday :)

On a completely different topic:

For a numberof years now, I have wanted to be a full-time missionary overseas, and a number of times, I have had it prophesied over me that I will indeed be doing that! At church, they often talk about how "missions" is right outside of our front door, but I have always had a hard time getting that mindset!! For 4 days at the beginning of this month the people of Living Hope (the church I attend) all took part in prayer and fasting. Many people fasted from food, and others, like myself, fasted from other things that take up LOTS of their time. I fasted from TV (which included movies), the internet, and I ate healthy (which I am trying my best to continue into the restof the year!) I was fasting to grow closer to God; when I wasn't working or busy, I was praying, listening to worship music, drawing, paintingor dancing!! It was an AWESOME time!! God showed me things and showed Himself to me in ways that I have been needing to see Him, but I haven't spent the time with Him to actually see it. Also, during these 4 days, something changed in my heart and mind - I now have a passion to see those just outside my front door come to the Lord!! When I walk outside or to work, I try to ask God who He wants me to talk to or what He wants me to do to show others His love. It has been an awesome experience!! Just after the prayer time at the church on Friday night, I had 2 really good conversations/connections take place that might not have happened had I not spent that time with God!!! I was taken to NEW levels in my relationship with God that I have never been to before!! I am the closest to God than I have EVER been before!! It's awesome!! I love it!!! I am trying everyday (some days are easier than others, I have to admit) to ask God how I can be used to impact a life. I want to be His instrument that He uses to speak to those who don't yet know Him, or even those who do know Him, but have maybe fallen away or need to grow in their relationship with Him.

This year is going to be a year of breakthrough!! I have seen MANY things happen throughout my whole life where God's hand has been, but this year, I want to grow so much in my relationship with my Saviour, that I will become SO sensitive to His calling, His whispers, and His nudgings that I can one who can distinguish His voice from the worlds,Satan's, and my own! Not only am I believing that this year lives are going to be changed because of my obedience to the Lord, but I am also believing that I am going to change! If I don't change, how can I be used to change lives?? It just doesn't work!! In 2012, or even at the end of 2011, I don't want to look back and see that I haven't really made a difference or that I haven't really changed!!

I'm REALLY looking forward to this year!!! Amazing things are going to happen!!!

Are YOU open to changethis year? Are you open to making a decision that will change and make your life BETTER?? Because let me tell you, asking Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour is THE BEST decision I ever made!! And it is NEVER too late!!! God accepts you as you are, with ALL of your hurts and with all the decisions that you have ever made! Will you accept His love??

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For my birthday and Christmas, I just asked for money to get a new camera! These are some of the pics that I've taken in the orchard that I live at! :)

The music of Christmas

Two of my favourite Christmas songs are "O Holy Night" and "Little Drummer Boy".
I find "O Holy Night" to be an extremely powerful song. Have you ever thought about the lyrics?

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. (The past 3 lines really make me think of what is was like before Jesus came, and for those who don't know Jesus as their King! It is in Jesus that we find hope and we are able to rejoice, and see the world through His eyes!)
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night whenChrist was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradlewe stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger, ("In all our trials born to be our friend. He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger" - WOW! Jesus is our friend, and He knows EVERYTHING about us, and YET He still loves us unconditionally!!!)
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease. (The past 2 lines give me shivers when I hear or read them! "Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. And in his name all oppression shall cease." AMEN! In Him; everyone is equal; everyone is a prince or princess of The Most High; EVERYONE is loved unconditionally! Wow! I love it!)
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name. (Don't just give a part of you to Him. Give Him your ALL! Everything you have! He wants is all! He doesn't only want the "good" but He wants the "bad" as well!)
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

I love that song! When we sing it at the Christmas Eve service, I always get goosebumps, and can't help but close my eyes, raise my hands, and worship The One Most High!!!! I love it!!! There's something about hearing a group of people singing to God. It's SO powerful!

And "Little Drummer Boy"... I just love it! I don't really know why to tell the truth. I don't think I've ever heard a version of it where I haven't just gotten into the song. Maybe I like it because it talks about how a boy, who had nothing, just played his drum for the King, and that was alright, because he gave what he could, and he made a joyful sound unto the Lord. And sometimes I feel like I havenothing to give, but the smallest thing will please the Lord.

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I have a love-hate relationship with winter... I like the snow, but I don't like it to be too cold. I like the snow when it's not on my car or the roads. I like playing in the snow, and skiing, and taking pictures of it, but I don't like when my mitts get wet.

I do love how photogenic winter is though!! Snow and ice fascinate me!