Trusting's hard... but God.Is.Good!

I feel like I'm in a stressful time of not knowing what's to come. My maternity leave is almost up, and I'm without a job. It's terrifying! Not knowing where the finances will come from, or how all the bills that come with owning a home will be paid, or where the food is going to come from to feed my family. It's terrifying!

BUT...

I'm learning, once again, to trust God. To trust that He has a plan for me and my family, one that I cannot see from where I'm standing right now. He's provided for us in SO many ways over the last couple years, and I know that He will yet again.

Oh, but trusting is hard!!

I've been applying to a crazy amount of jobs, ones I desire to pursue and ones I dread working at, but will suffice until I find my dream job. Nothing is holding me back! NOTHING!! I will continue to do my part, and I know He will provide. 

I feel like there's 2 parts of me in my head right now:

          A: He will provide! Trust!

          B: But trusting's hard....

          A: He will provide! TRUST!!

          B: But trusting is SO hard!

          A: HE. WILL. PROVIDE. T.R.U.S.T. TRUST!!!!!

Despite the fact that I've had a relationship with God for many years, I still struggle with trusting Him. Is that horrible of me? I don't think so. I think it shows that I'm human and there is a reason and a true need for me to have a relationship with God. However, do I still get down on myself for not trusting despite all the times God has come through for me? Yeah.... but I'm continuing to learn to ask for forgiveness for my lack of trust. 

Oh how I love the peace that washes over me the moment I apologize for not trusting. God is good.

God.

Is.

Good!

Despite my circumstances, and how nothing outside of myself has changed, (I didn't just get a phone call saying I'm now the newest employee of ____, although that would be nice!) when I talk to God (like a friend I might add) everything inside me changes. 

I started writing feeling down on myself and with so much worry, but I'm ending it feeling a peace within my soul that can only come from God.

Thank you, Lord!

Thankful, yet again!

Life has been quite busy the past couple of months, and I still cannot believe it!! I went through a time when I had nothing to do after work, but lately it's been crazy! But a good crazy!

I know that I say this over and over and over again in quite a few of my posts, but everyday I am SO thankful for what is happening in my life! I cannot believe what God is doing! I remember talking to a friend awhile ago, and saying that this year was going to have purpose, and that I was not going to be the same by 2012. I can confidently say that I am not the same as I was at the beginning of this year! And I know I will not be the same on December 31st as I am now!

Are there some things I wish I had done differently? Reacted differently? Done more of or less of? Of course... I'm only human after all, but because of God's unfailing and never ending grace, I can say that I am looking at the future, and not focusing on past mistakes!