...a day

You know the days...

         the one's where you feel blah...

         the one's where you say a few things through the day just so you don't seem too quiet...

         the one's where if the wrong thing is said to you, you just may snap (this one may have almost happened a few times, but I bit my tongue)...

         the one's where you do laugh a few times (because when funny things happen, how could you not?) and those giggles are sincere...

...and those days where you want a sincere hug and a friend, but if that hug were to come, you'd just break into pieces?

                            Yeah.... that was my day. 

Correction. That is my day.

But, like the Mommy I need to be right now, I am going to pull it together and do some decorating for Christmas so my baby girl can be excited about the so-nos (snowmen) around the house.

Three days...

It's been three days now since I woke up "with that feeling".
Three days since I called my doctor's office and they told me to go to emerg.
Three days since I waited for what seemed like forever to see a doctor.
Three days since I had all those tests.
Three days since the doctor came and sat on the end of the bed and said that I was indeed having a miscarriage...

3 days.... and yet my life didn't stop, couldn't stop -- I have a 18 month old to care for.

My boss was so gracious, and told me not to come in the rest of the week. I am so thankful for that!

I went out the day after to pick up laundry detergent because I figured I could at least do some laundry while I was at home.
         

          I got in the car, I was fine.

          I drove to the store, and I was fine.
          I stepped out of the car, and my heart stopped for a moment...
          I walked into the store, and my breath caught....

The world was going on as normal, but mine felt like it was going slow motion. No one knew what was going on inside, not only physically but emotionally. No one knew by looking at me.

And it hit me, we REALLY have no idea what silent battles people are going through!! The statement, "Be nice to people because you have no idea what battles they're facing" became true to me in a new way.

I have had my moments over the last few days, which I give myself permission to have. And I know I will continue to have my moments, and I hope you will be gracious with me as I do, but I do truly hope and pray that this helps me become a better human being -- that I would be kinder to people because I don't know what kind of day/situation they're coming from, and maybe my smile could make their day just that much better.

And maybe you will take this challenge too, and not be too quick to judge, or offer that snide remark because maybe you could brighten someone's day!

Bucket List (As I update, I'll bump it!)

I decided to update my bucket list that I posted a number of years ago!

 ✔ Receive a promise ring (Ok so, I checked this one because even though I didn't receive a promise ring per se, I did receive a gorgeous engagement ring, which in my books, counts!)

 ✔ Go an entire day without using technology (I still used lights and other hydro HOWEVER I did not watch tv, or use a computer, iPad or phone)

 - Kiss under mistletoe.

 - Buy a homeless person a Christmas present.

 - Throw a dart at a map and travel wherever it lands.

 - Go to England, Ireland and Scotland.

 - Ride in a hot air balloon.

 - Watch a sunrise/sunset with the love of my life.

 ✔ Donate my hair.

 - Go on an Alaskan Disney cruise.

 - Own a pet skunk.

 ✔ Wear a beautiful wedding dress.

 ✔ Have a baby.

 - Make a difference in this world.

 - Follow the path that God has planned for me.

 ✔ Get butterflies in my stomach when I know he's "the one".

 - Get in a taxi and yell, "Follow that car!"

 - See a whale in the ocean.

 - Visit Guatemala again.

 - Have a song dedicated to me.

 - Read the entire Bible.

 - Slow dance in the rain.

 - Stand on top of a mountain.

 - Lie on my back with my love beside me, stargazing and singing together.

 - See a show on Broadway. Wicked or Rent would be ideal, but I'm open to almost anything!

✔ Say, "I do". 

 - Pay for a stranger's groceries/order at a restaurant

 - Have a food fight.

 - Go zip lining.

 - Walk across a suspension bridge in a forest.

 - Be an inspiration for someone.

 - Be in 2 places at once.

 - Visit all 7 continents 

• ✔ Africa! I had the privilege of going to South Africa on a mission trip a few years ago

• ✔ North America! I do live here after all! And I think Guatemala would be included here as well

• ✔ South America! I went on an exchange program to Paraguay for 4 months in high school

• ✔ Europe! In high school I also had the privilege to go to France, Greece, Spain and Italy

• ✔ Australia! While I was in university, a friend of mine was studying in Australia, so it was the perfect opportunity for a vacation! 

• ✖ Asia

• ✖ Antarctica 

 - Skydive.

 - Be a part of a flash mob.

 - See the northern lights.

 - Be the change I wish to see.

 ✔ See someone come to Christ that I have witnessed to, and see them mature in their relationship with Him. (I've seen a friend give her life to God, but unfortunately due to tragic events, we don't speak as much as I'd like to, so I'm not too sure how she's doing)

✔ See a moose in real life (To date I have seen 1 in Northern Ontario, and 4 in Newfoundland!)

- Fly in a small plane. I've only ever been on huge 747s (and the like)

- Hang out with and care for elephants at a sanctuary! I love these creatures!!

- Go to an all inclusive resort with my husband and a married couple or 2!
- Go on an Alaskan Disney cruise, and another cruise with Greg

a little rant....

I've been hmm-ing and haw-ing about whether to write this post, but here it is...


PEOPLE, GET A FREAKIN' LIFE!!


Phew! That feels better!


Now, that being said, let me explain...

When it came for the American elections, people were going nutso over who to vote for and blah blah blah. And then when Trump won, all hell broke loose! I still think all hell would have broken loose had Hilary won anyways, but whatever. Now that Trump is in office, people can't stop bashing him. With all my personal opinions about him aside, this bashing NEEDS TO STOP!! Do I think there could have maybe been a better candidates who could have run for President and won? Yes. However, Trump is the President of the United States of America. The likelihood of him being overthrown is very minimal, especially since there's been an awful lot of talk, and from what I know, not a whole lot of action taken place for this to happen. So maybe, just maybe, instead of the constant bashing and negativity, how about more positivity and dare I say it prayer over him as the President of a nation!

Now, being that I am Canadian, (and proud to be, I might add!) I also have my own personal opinions about our Prime Minister. Whatever my feelings are of Trudeau, I CHOOSE to pray for him and his decisions regarding the nation that I live in. Why? Because what good will my constant negativity and belittling about him do? Nothing. It's not like my thoughts are going to somehow transfer to him. However, my prayers DO have the power to change things, because my God is good like that! And not only do I pray for Trudeau to make good decisions for Canada, I also pray for Trump to make good decisions for America.



Really, I think people need to start focusing on their own lives, and stop bashing other people's decisions. Whether it comes to parenting decisions such as co-sleeping vs. sleeping in own room or baby led weaning vs. purees, or one's thoughts on is it ok for a mother to kiss their child on the lips, or a grown man to kiss his father on the lips (this is one that just came to my attention... Tom Brady). Personally, I think so many things that people end up getting worked up about, and feel that they are right and everyone else is wrong, are ridiculous!! If your life is so horrible or boring or whatever that you have to bash other people's decisions, maybe you should fix that! Start living your OWN life, and stop focusing on the small details of life that in reality have no significance!



In conclusion:
Pray. Pray for our leaders. Those at the national level, the provincial level, and the local level.
Get a life! Stop focusing on other people's lives and decisions, and start living your own life!



Rant complete.

Trusting's hard... but God.Is.Good!

I feel like I'm in a stressful time of not knowing what's to come. My maternity leave is almost up, and I'm without a job. It's terrifying! Not knowing where the finances will come from, or how all the bills that come with owning a home will be paid, or where the food is going to come from to feed my family. It's terrifying!

BUT...

I'm learning, once again, to trust God. To trust that He has a plan for me and my family, one that I cannot see from where I'm standing right now. He's provided for us in SO many ways over the last couple years, and I know that He will yet again.

Oh, but trusting is hard!!

I've been applying to a crazy amount of jobs, ones I desire to pursue and ones I dread working at, but will suffice until I find my dream job. Nothing is holding me back! NOTHING!! I will continue to do my part, and I know He will provide. 

I feel like there's 2 parts of me in my head right now:

          A: He will provide! Trust!

          B: But trusting's hard....

          A: He will provide! TRUST!!

          B: But trusting is SO hard!

          A: HE. WILL. PROVIDE. T.R.U.S.T. TRUST!!!!!

Despite the fact that I've had a relationship with God for many years, I still struggle with trusting Him. Is that horrible of me? I don't think so. I think it shows that I'm human and there is a reason and a true need for me to have a relationship with God. However, do I still get down on myself for not trusting despite all the times God has come through for me? Yeah.... but I'm continuing to learn to ask for forgiveness for my lack of trust. 

Oh how I love the peace that washes over me the moment I apologize for not trusting. God is good.

God.

Is.

Good!

Despite my circumstances, and how nothing outside of myself has changed, (I didn't just get a phone call saying I'm now the newest employee of ____, although that would be nice!) when I talk to God (like a friend I might add) everything inside me changes. 

I started writing feeling down on myself and with so much worry, but I'm ending it feeling a peace within my soul that can only come from God.

Thank you, Lord!

A first-hand look

My husband started a blog the other day, and I decided that it was time to update mine! Where this post is going to go is up in the air, but let's see what happens, shall we?

I'll start with a short synopsis of where God has taken me over the last number of years:

• November 2013 - I reconnected with a friend of mine over coffee. His name is Greg.
• December 2013 - We decided to make it official and started dating.
• February 2014 - Greg asked me to be his wife. I said yes! 😍
• October 2014 - We bought our first house together!!
• April 2015 - We said, "I do!" and signed the papers!!! And I gained a 6-year-old son!! 
• May 2015 - We celebrated our nuptials looking spiffy in an outdoor reception by the water, with a pig roast! 
• June 2015 - Celebrated our honeymoon in Newfoundland, where Greg showed me around, and I was able to meet many of his family members! 
• September (maybe?) 2015 - we found out we were pregnant! 👶 Greg got me a test because he said I was, even though I didn't fully believe him until I saw the 2 lines appear on the stick!
• March 2016 - Our healthy baby girl was born 2 weeks early!
• January 2017 - and here we are...

You know, I never believed people when they said that your love for your kids will grow day by day, and that you will love them beyond comprehension! But I'm here to say 10 months into the journey of motherhood that it is true!!! My love for my baby girl grows everyday as she learns and grows and does new, fun and even terrifying things as she learns about the world around her! Her smile, giggle, and tiny voice is the sweetest thing in my day!

All that being said, though, it wasn't that way from the beginning... When the nurse first placed her on my chest, I didn't feel a bond with her at all. I didn't feel a love for her, even though I carried her, felt her move and grow for 9 months. I felt like a HORRIBLE mother... how could someone not love their own child?! I knew that I needed to feed her and change her diapers, so I did it, but honestly not because I wanted to... it was because I HAD to. When she cried I cringed, because I was in pain, I didn't want to move, and because I honestly felt like she was a little alien I didn't know. It took a few weeks for me to start feeling like I understood her and that there was a growing bond between us. I started to love and understand her more and more as the days and weeks went by. I would say it took almost a month for me to really feel a connection to her, and to actually be able to say I loved her and mean it! During the first few weeks, I would tell her I loved her, but it was just words. I said it because I wanted it to still enter into her little ears and be implanted in her developing brain, even if they were just words at the time. And the whole time I knew I meant it, but I didn't necessarily feel it. I just kept thinking, "Speak life and love over her." So I did.

What I've learned through all that is that I wasn't alone! And there are SO many new moms that feel the exact same way! I've heard of Postpartum Depression, but I never really knew or heard anyone who struggled with it. And to be honest, it doesn't always just end after a month or 2... there are still some days that it hits me, but thankfully I've been able to take hold of it, and kick it to the curb most of those days! Life with a baby isn't always "Easy peasy lemon squeezy" (as a former coworker used to say. Lol!), and there are some days, to be brutally honest, that the thought of being mothering is tiring. BUT then she looks at me with her beautiful, big blue eyes, does her squishy face smile, and plants an open-mouthed wet one on my arm, and I melt. I simply melt. And all of the tiring thoughts dissipate and I'm left smiling and giving big squishy hugs to my little monster!

You know, one of the things that helped me the most, and still continues to help me to this day, is those friends that are still there despite me not really communicating with them due to the busyness of this season of life, or those that I can honestly say I can go to via text or phone call when I'm feeling pretty blah. Unfortunately there are a number of people that have fallen off the face of my earth when it comes to friends, and it hurt... a lot... I thought I had friends who would be there to help out, offer to babysit, or even come and just chill, but sadly I have discovered who my few treasured friends truly are. And as hard and sad as it is, I am thankful that I now know the people who can be trusted, and are committed to a friendship.

I'm just going to throw this out there.... if you know anyone who is having a baby, or has had a baby, PLEASE don't let their silence make you think they don't want to talk, or need help. Tell them (don't just offer because an offer can be easily forgotten or pushed aside in the Mama's mind as "they don't really mean it") that you're coming over this time on this day and making dinner for them, or to do their laundry, or to watch the baby while Mama naps, or to sit in silence and watch tv with the new Mama as she feeds and cuddles the baby. Sometimes it's not about needing to do anything extremely extravagant in your eyes, but a simple task that Mama may not have the time or energy to do.
And also, keep in contact with that new Mama, even if she doesn't text you back, because honestly in my experience, a simple text of "Just thinking of you and wanted to say you're doing a great job raising baby!" means SO much!

So there it is. A first-hand look at being a new mama!

Things to do in this lifetime....

I ended up reading on tumblr people's dreams before they die, and I decided to write a "Bucket List" of my own. In no particular order...

- Receive a promise ring.
- Go an entire day without using technology.
- Kiss under mistletoe.
- Buy a homeless person a Christmas present.
- Throw a dart at a map and travel wherever it lands.

- Go to England, Ireland and Scotland.

- Ride in a hot air balloon.

- Watch a sunrise/sunset with the love of my life.

- Donate my hair.

- Go on an Alaskan Disney cruise.

- Own a pet skunk.

- Wear a beautiful wedding dress.

- Have a baby.

- Make a difference in this world.

- Follow the path that God has planned for me.

- Get butterflies in my stomach when I know he's "the one".

- Get in a taxi and yell, "Follow that car!"

- See a whale in the ocean.

- Visit Guatemala again.

- Have a song dedicated to me.

- Read the entire Bible.

- Slow dance in the rain.

- Stand on top of a mountain.

- Lie on my back with my love beside me, stargazing and singing together.

- See a show on Broadway.

- Say, "I do".

- Pay for a stranger's groceries/order at a restaurant

- Have a food fight.

- Go zip lining.

- Walk across a suspension bridge in a forest.

- Be an inspiration for someone.

- Be in 2 places at once.

- Visit all 7 continents.

- Skydive.

- Be a part of a flash mob.

- See the northern lights.

- Be the change I wish to see.

- See someone come to Christ that I have witnessed to, and see them mature in their relationship with Him.

- See a moose in real life.

Of course, this list will grow.... I'm sure :)

Thankful, yet again!

Life has been quite busy the past couple of months, and I still cannot believe it!! I went through a time when I had nothing to do after work, but lately it's been crazy! But a good crazy!

I know that I say this over and over and over again in quite a few of my posts, but everyday I am SO thankful for what is happening in my life! I cannot believe what God is doing! I remember talking to a friend awhile ago, and saying that this year was going to have purpose, and that I was not going to be the same by 2012. I can confidently say that I am not the same as I was at the beginning of this year! And I know I will not be the same on December 31st as I am now!

Are there some things I wish I had done differently? Reacted differently? Done more of or less of? Of course... I'm only human after all, but because of God's unfailing and never ending grace, I can say that I am looking at the future, and not focusing on past mistakes!

Art Crawl

I told a friend about a week ago that I would take photos of her art in case it sold at the Art Crawl that was on today. I ended up working until 6, and then told her I would be there by 7:30.

When I got off work, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere! Sitting in front of the tv with the feet up was ALL I wanted to do! But... I went anyways, like I promised I would!

And I was NOT let down!

My church had some pieces in the Art Crawl. It was a great experience to be there and see all the people coming in and seeing the work of a handful of talented individuals from the church! It was a great experience to just spend time with friends, and chat, and see the talent that the church has!

After spending a couple hours there, I got in my car, turned on CBC Radio, and drove around downtown. I felt so inspired! I wanted to just park and walk around, but I figured that might not be the safest thing to do at 10 o'clock at night. So I continued to just drive. I made it to the Mountain Brow and decided to take pictures of the skyline at night.

I felt filled and rejuvenated!

Something just sparked in me tonight, yet again!

...I think it all started after a couple of us were chatting with one of the artist's, and she said something to the affect of,"When you do art on your own agenda, it takes a long time, but when you allow God to work through you, it is finished quickly."

That struck a cord in me.

I have a painting sitting on my easel, that I have been working on for almost a year. And why? Because I have been doing it on my own agenda! But then I look at some pieces of a series I did a couple months ago, and I completed a couple of them within a couple hours. And that was because I was focused on God!

The view from the window

A friend of mine just got an apartment in Hamilton, and she has had absolutely no furniture for the past couple weeks, but tonight we went to Ikea! Oh how I LOVE Ikea! I couple spend all day in there, no problem!!

We put together her kitchen table, and it just makes the whole place look so much more home-y and livable! And I got so happy and excited for her, just seeing it come together!

I've been dealing with feelings of inadequacy and feeling like I'm a) going nowhere in life, and b) a bit of a failure, as I have gone to university, and graduated with a BA in Psychology, but I'm still working at a bakery, which I have been working at for 3 years now... I just feel like I spent all that money and time, and I haven't really make any effort to find anything else.

But I've just been listening to that song "While I'm Waiting", which I talked a bit about in my previous post. The song is just about waiting on God when times are rough, or when you feel like He's left you alone, or no matter what you're going through, that you will wait patiently, and worship, serve and praise His name, as if things were going just peachy! And I feel convicted tonight, to just turn to Him, and just trust Him with my life! Yes, I do really need to take the necessary steps to find something else, but if nothing comes out of those things, I need to trust that I didn't get the job because God has something better out there for me!

So... here I am... waiting patiently on the Lord.

...it's almost like it never happened....

What a week! Thanksgiving Saturday at Bennett's is the BUSIEST of the year! The week before is tiring and draining, and then Friday and Saturday come.... and it's over. For another 364 days!

I was thinking today how you work SO hard on something for days, weeks, months, or years, and then one day it's all over! So much work went into the past week at Bennett's, and now it's all over!

Despite the craziness, sore feet, and exhaustion, I am thankful to work at Bennett's! Like any job, it has it's moments when I would much rather be somewhere else, but overall I am thankful that I have a job. I've made some great friendships there, and they are what make work enjoyable!

I watched Fireproof today, and forgot how much I like it. A couple songs caught my attention, and I had to download them :)

"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller is a song about being obedient to God and following Him even in times of trial, and when it seems that God has left you alone. A couple lines I love from it are,

"I will move ahead, bold and confident;

Taking every step in obedience.

While I'm waiting, I will serve you.

While I'm waiting I will worship.

While I'm waiting I will not faint.

I'll be running the race, even while I wait"

No matter what I am going through, I strive to keep my eyes on Jesus!! I strive to worship him, even if I don't feel like it, or I feel like I have been abandoned, because it is after that time of solitude that amazing things will begin to happen!

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner with my whole family tomorrow. I'm planning on bringing my camera and tripod, and getting a family picture :)

For Christmas, I'm making my Nanny either a quilt or pillow cases (haven't decided yet) with pictures all over it, and right at the center is going to be the most recent family photo :) I had a hard time deciding what to make Nanny for Christmas, and my mom suggested a quilt of photos. And so, over the next few months, I have my work cut out for me :) Although... my mom is going to be helping me put it together, because I have no idea what I'm doing :P haha!

"You're my daughter, you're my son;

You're the one I long to love.

And you've heard I chose to die;

Do you know you're the reason why?"

"You Belong to Me" - Grey Holiday

And this is what I'm thankful for.

Light of Your Face

Lately I have been listening to a lot of Ian McIntosh. I love his sound and his lyrics! He is just an overall good artist!

I was just listening to my ipod, and a song came on that I've hear before and love, but it had a different beat and sound to it. When I looked, I saw that it was the song "Light of Your Face" by Jesus Culture, but it was on an album I just bought of Ian, that I haven't listened to yet, featuring Melissa How. Two of my favourite artists/bands together! I love it! :)

"Oh Lord, bless me and keep me. Cause your face to shine on me.

Lord be gracious; lift the light of Your countenance.

Give me peace.

I live only to see your face, so shine on me!

Let the light of your face shine down on my heart and let me feel it."

Weddings - Nathan & Janelle

At the beginning of May I had the privilege of photographing the union of a beautiful couple, Nathan & Janelle. Here's some of my favourites from the day!

Back at it!

It's been FAR too long, and so here I am, just writing a very short post to let all 3 people that are apparently following me that I am back at this yet again!

I shall write more later cuz it's 12:30am and I have to work soon!

So... Goodnight my friends!

New New NEW!!!

Dora (my car - 95 Civic) has been slowly dying... it was coming to a point where I was putting more and more money intoit, so it was time to get a new car. I went looking all over, and then I went to a used-car dealership that I have been told by many people is awesome! So, I checked out Haldimand Motors, and I found my new car!! She is a silver 2007 Honda Civic. I did some research on whatkind of car I should go with and stuff, and when it comes down to it, Hondas have the best ratings, so I stuck with Honda, and I really like Civics. The funny thing is, Izzy (my new car) is just a newer version of Dora!!! I apparently like my Honda Civic DX's :P

I had Dora for 6 or 7 years (I can't really remember anymore :S), so she was AWESOME while I had her!!

Also new in my life, well GOING to be new, is my Ipod touch! It's on it's way!!! Izzy has an auxiliary (sp?) outlet, and I like the idea of not having to have billions of CDs in the car, but my current Ipod is only a 8GB, and only holds a portion of my music library! So I ordered a 32GB 3rd generation Ipod touch. I'm really looking forward to it :) I was debating just getting the Ipod classic, but as I was talking to people and then thinking about it, there are so many cool apps on the touch; one of which I'm really looking forward to is the Bible in ALL translations! I love thatidea! It's great in church and stuff! So, I should be getting it on Monday or Tuesday :)

On a completely different topic:

For a numberof years now, I have wanted to be a full-time missionary overseas, and a number of times, I have had it prophesied over me that I will indeed be doing that! At church, they often talk about how "missions" is right outside of our front door, but I have always had a hard time getting that mindset!! For 4 days at the beginning of this month the people of Living Hope (the church I attend) all took part in prayer and fasting. Many people fasted from food, and others, like myself, fasted from other things that take up LOTS of their time. I fasted from TV (which included movies), the internet, and I ate healthy (which I am trying my best to continue into the restof the year!) I was fasting to grow closer to God; when I wasn't working or busy, I was praying, listening to worship music, drawing, paintingor dancing!! It was an AWESOME time!! God showed me things and showed Himself to me in ways that I have been needing to see Him, but I haven't spent the time with Him to actually see it. Also, during these 4 days, something changed in my heart and mind - I now have a passion to see those just outside my front door come to the Lord!! When I walk outside or to work, I try to ask God who He wants me to talk to or what He wants me to do to show others His love. It has been an awesome experience!! Just after the prayer time at the church on Friday night, I had 2 really good conversations/connections take place that might not have happened had I not spent that time with God!!! I was taken to NEW levels in my relationship with God that I have never been to before!! I am the closest to God than I have EVER been before!! It's awesome!! I love it!!! I am trying everyday (some days are easier than others, I have to admit) to ask God how I can be used to impact a life. I want to be His instrument that He uses to speak to those who don't yet know Him, or even those who do know Him, but have maybe fallen away or need to grow in their relationship with Him.

This year is going to be a year of breakthrough!! I have seen MANY things happen throughout my whole life where God's hand has been, but this year, I want to grow so much in my relationship with my Saviour, that I will become SO sensitive to His calling, His whispers, and His nudgings that I can one who can distinguish His voice from the worlds,Satan's, and my own! Not only am I believing that this year lives are going to be changed because of my obedience to the Lord, but I am also believing that I am going to change! If I don't change, how can I be used to change lives?? It just doesn't work!! In 2012, or even at the end of 2011, I don't want to look back and see that I haven't really made a difference or that I haven't really changed!!

I'm REALLY looking forward to this year!!! Amazing things are going to happen!!!

Are YOU open to changethis year? Are you open to making a decision that will change and make your life BETTER?? Because let me tell you, asking Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour is THE BEST decision I ever made!! And it is NEVER too late!!! God accepts you as you are, with ALL of your hurts and with all the decisions that you have ever made! Will you accept His love??

-------------------------------------------

For my birthday and Christmas, I just asked for money to get a new camera! These are some of the pics that I've taken in the orchard that I live at! :)

Obedience.

A couple months ago I found out that a guy I grew up with (his name was Troy) was killed. I was at my friend's house, and I read Troy's sister's status, which said that something about how sad she was because her brother was gone. I started tearing up. I began looking at other people's statuses, and realized that Troy was killed. I didn't know for a couple days how he was killed, though. I kept googling his name to try and find some sort of newspaper article or SOMETHING that explained what happened. A couple days later, I found an article that said that he was stabbed to death one night. I knew Troy ran with the wrong crowd, and just reading that he was stabbed felt like I had a knife go through my heart.

The night that I found out, I messaged Troy's sisters, just to say that I was thinking of them and that I was praying for them. I didn't hear anything for over a month, but just a couple weeks ago, one of them got in touch with me and thanked me for my message.

Since the day that I found out, I wanted to message Troy's mom, but I didn't know what to say. A couple times I felt God saying "Just send her a message. Even if it's just a couple words. Send it!" But.... I never did... until this afternoon.

I felt like I just needed to sit down and type a message. As I began, the words just started flowing. It turned out to be MUCH longer than I was expecting! I just wrote what came to my mind, and I shared the lyrics of a song I felt I needed to share.

I quickly got a reply back, and I was just amazed at God's timing! She said that I sent the message at the perfect time. She said that she was falling apart, and she needed to be reminded of God's love, and know that someone was there. She then said that she was just sitting at her computer, thinking of deleting many of Troy's friends because of their vulgar language and the profanity that is on their pages, but then she got my message, and she was amazed at how a young adult is reminding her of God's power, and His never ending love.

I am just SO amazed at God's timing, and my obedience to following His call! I keep thinking that, yes, I could have sent a message earlier, and maybe I should of just to let her know that I was thinking and praying for her family, but I sent it just today, and today is a day that she needed the reminder of God's love. Maybe she just needed that reminder today to get her through another day. But I am so thankful for my listening ears and obedience.

I encourage each of you to pray for this family! They really need it, especially during this Christmas season... this is the first "big" holiday without Troy.

The music of Christmas

Two of my favourite Christmas songs are "O Holy Night" and "Little Drummer Boy".
I find "O Holy Night" to be an extremely powerful song. Have you ever thought about the lyrics?

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. (The past 3 lines really make me think of what is was like before Jesus came, and for those who don't know Jesus as their King! It is in Jesus that we find hope and we are able to rejoice, and see the world through His eyes!)
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night whenChrist was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradlewe stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger, ("In all our trials born to be our friend. He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger" - WOW! Jesus is our friend, and He knows EVERYTHING about us, and YET He still loves us unconditionally!!!)
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease. (The past 2 lines give me shivers when I hear or read them! "Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. And in his name all oppression shall cease." AMEN! In Him; everyone is equal; everyone is a prince or princess of The Most High; EVERYONE is loved unconditionally! Wow! I love it!)
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name. (Don't just give a part of you to Him. Give Him your ALL! Everything you have! He wants is all! He doesn't only want the "good" but He wants the "bad" as well!)
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

I love that song! When we sing it at the Christmas Eve service, I always get goosebumps, and can't help but close my eyes, raise my hands, and worship The One Most High!!!! I love it!!! There's something about hearing a group of people singing to God. It's SO powerful!

And "Little Drummer Boy"... I just love it! I don't really know why to tell the truth. I don't think I've ever heard a version of it where I haven't just gotten into the song. Maybe I like it because it talks about how a boy, who had nothing, just played his drum for the King, and that was alright, because he gave what he could, and he made a joyful sound unto the Lord. And sometimes I feel like I havenothing to give, but the smallest thing will please the Lord.

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I have a love-hate relationship with winter... I like the snow, but I don't like it to be too cold. I like the snow when it's not on my car or the roads. I like playing in the snow, and skiing, and taking pictures of it, but I don't like when my mitts get wet.

I do love how photogenic winter is though!! Snow and ice fascinate me!

Getting back.

It has been years since I've blogged. A friend told me not too long ago that I should get back to blogging, and I was hmm-ing and haw-ing about it, and I decided to finally sit down and just do it.

I did miss it, but I felt like the world didn't want to hear about what I had to say, but you know what? Whether they want it or not, I am going to do it, because I know I at least have one follower (Psst*Erica*Psst).

For the past couple of months I have not been as strong in my faith as I was just a couple months ago. I felt myself slipping, and I knew I had to do something about it, but life happened, and next thing I knew, I was at the bottom of a cliff, looking up at the mud trail that I left as I slipped down. So here I am, standing at the bottom, wiping the mud off my shoulders, and on my way up the wall of mud.

The other day I was reading Proverbs, and these are the verses that stood out to me for one reason or another:

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" - 19:21

"Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing and your vats will brim over with new wine" - 3:9-10

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet" - 3:24

"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble" - 4:11-12

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" - 16:3

"The Lord works out everything for his own ends" - 16:4

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" - 16:9

"Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all" - 22:2

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" - 22:6

"A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor" - 22:9

"Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future home for you, and your hope will not be cut off" - 23:17-18

"If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength" - 24:10

"As water reflects a face, so a man's heartreflects the man" - 27:19

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These 2 little ones are blessings!! I can't even begin to share in words how much these 2 children mean to me!! They are not only my niece and nephew, but they are also my 2 Godchildren!

I love these 2 with all my heart! <3